Destination: ?
being 21 with no car in a city where buses don't run but suburbans and high end car run, is difficult. Connections are in the city, it seems that life is in the city. Its not lock I'm locked up but it is. having parents who don't fully understand nor fully support and expect me to do it all is..ridiculous and unfair, yet the way of the real world my house is the real-wold I'm living the real worlds and i am going nowhere. I wanna leave i wanna leave in fact i want to get away from everyone, and that is not a bad look upon the people i truly care for but the ones that care most are away. not here. i am not going to call them and weep all to them. I'm not into crying to other people yet that may be the best option, maybe a psychiatrist? maybe not pay to talk to someone what the hell is this?
anyway i want to goto school i completed my fafsa today and i am looking forward to school in January however i am no receiving enough aid for schools outside the state. so ... fuck it! i gotta grab my balls tune out the negative and be the positive. i just want to be surrounded by other artists. You know what i have got to be about my business. FLAT OUT. DO a performance so daring, beautiful and spectacular that i receive a full-ride. that's the only choice so i train.
I train at home in the dark in the light in the day. I train till I'm tired no more pussy-footing around. this has got to be done because if i live in another field doing what i don't want or like ....LOVE then I'm dead and will die slowly i know and feel that now. I want to quit my job and focus solely on this. it really is the use of time. time MANAGEMENT! so fuck the whining that was. is above i have got to do it. GET a full ride to be where i envision myself. i need to go over my goals and asses them. order them and ATTACK! my mind and my future are not in unison. the only thing i see working is locking myself away hours of training and observing not watching movies and getting to where i need to be late night conversations are ok every now and then but i knowing myself have to be militant in my focus I've no choice but to put myself in a mental cave to get there. to school away, and beyond the limits of my situation. there it is. right there that was it the general plan now i must focus and fine tune it. no matter where i go distraction will be. flat out I've got to go and be there. seek and stay there. FULL_RIDE is the only option don't i see. there is no other.
goodbye! im gone to a new place you meddle with the idle i don't. i don't like the idle though it feels good to rest . i don not rest i work! and rest once the time is right . Workaholic is in my blood but my purpose is different. ACTING performing showcasing my skills whether with an ensemble or not. let me speak before you get cut-off. ain't nobody serious and these folks don't see what i do! i cant end my life i can't allow it to end itself . 1 mistake was made and now i have learned warnings don't work for me. I'm hard-headed and stubbourn and don't realize the provisions and advice of others until its too late or I'm too deep.
I've got to leave people behind you are with or you are gone. I'm on mine. I got ta' go! caveman strict training read the books and do the work
I am doing ^THIS. I CAN DO THIS!!!
I love me!
